The Kinky Library
Learn about Kink and BDSM: Your Curated Booklist of the Best Kinky Books on Pleasure & Personal Growth
Nothing quite satisfies me like a good book. Kink, BDSM, and sex-positive literature are vast and diverse. Just as our kinks differ, so do the perspectives and approaches within books about them. Some texts disturb and irritate me, others inspire or stimulate. Looking for the best books about kink and BDSM? This curated reading list covers everything from beginner-friendly guides to advanced psychology, from femdom and rope bondage to erotic hypnosis and sex-positive theory.
Reading About Kink Enhances Your Play
My BDSM booklist is not just about kink; it also covers topics like communication, tantra, psychology, feminism and personal development. Why? Because everything is interconnected. Tantra, for instance, has taught me much about impact play (and vice versa), while advanced communication skills enhance my understanding of mind games.
As you go through the list, keep a critical mind. Not everything in these books will align with your personal values or experiences, and that’s good! Take what resonates with you and trust yourself enough to challenge ideas. Reading is a self-care act. Kinky reading is also rebellion. You demand knowledge that doesn’t just fall to us. Be proud of yourself for taking this important path. Trust me as well when I’m saying: Reading and learning about kink can be just as fun as living it and, above all, drastically increase the quality and satisfaction of real play.
Don’t forget, my dear: Support your local bookstore whenever possible!
Best General Kink Books & BDSM Guides
Playing Well With Others – Mollena Williams & Lee Harrington
The New Bottoming Book & The New Topping Book – Dossie Easton & Janet Hardy
The Loving Dominant – John Warren
The Dominance Playbook – Anton Fulmen (also The Heart of Dominance)
SM 101 – Jay Wiseman
The Toybag Guide to… (Insightful Series covering various kink topics)
Leatherfolk – Mark Thompson
Come Hither: A Commonsense Guide To Kinky Sex – Dr. Gloria G. Brame
Psychology and Theory Books on Kink & BDSM
The Deep Psychology of BDSM and Kink – Douglas Thomas
The Leather Couch: Clinical Practice with Kinky Clients – Stefani Goerlich
The Color of Kink: Black Women, BDSM, and Pornography – Ariane Cruz
Public Sex: The Culture of Radical Sex – Pat Califia
Kinky History – Esmé Louise James
Real Service – Joshua Tenpenny & Raven Kaldera
Hell on Wheels: Disabled Dominants – Raven Kaldera
Existential Kink: Unmask Your Shadow and Embrace Your Power – Carolyn Elliott
Sexuality Beyond Consent – Avgi Saketopoulou & Jonathan Metzl
Thinking Kink: The Collision of BDSM, Feminism and Popular Culture – Catherine Scott
Beyond Shame: Creating a Healthy Sex Life on Your Own Terms – Matthias Roberts
Femdom Books & Female-Led Relationships
Bow Down: Lessons from Dominatrixes on How to Be a Boss in Life, Love, and Work – Lindsay Goldwert
A Psychodynamic Approach to Female Domination in BDSM Relationships – Nathalie Lugand
Dominatrix: Gender, Eroticism, and Control in the Dungeon – Danielle J. Lindemann
The Sexually Dominant Woman: An Illustrated Workbook for Nervous Beginners – Janet W. Hardy
Femdom for Nice Girls: A Self-Guided Manual for the Caring Mistress – Lucy Fairbourne
The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl’s Guide to Female Dominance – Mistress Lorelei
The Dominatrix Archetypes® – Mistress Damiana Chi
The Heart of the Dominatrix: Portraits and Interviews of Exceptional Mistresses – Inanna Justice
The Art of Sensual Female Dominance – Claudia Varrin
FLR – Female Led Relationship – Lady Sas, Lady Victoria
How Can I Make This Worse for You? – Ms. Rika (also other books by the author)
F*ck Like a Goddess – Alexandra Roxo
Books on Growth, Healing & Intelligence for Kinksters
Come as You Are – Emily Nagoski
Sex Tips for Creative Lovers – Jüne Plã
Coming Soon: Great Orgasms and Better Sex at Your Fingertips – Dania Schiftan
Polysecure – Jessica Fern (with follow-up and workbook)
Sexual Intelligence – Marty Klein
Sex Meets Life – Anna Sansom (Ed.)
Tongue Tied: Untangling Communication in Sex, Kink, and Relationships – Stella Harris
Sexting: The Grownup’s Little Book of Sex Tips for Getting Dirty Digitally – Tina Horn (and other books by the author)
Urban Tantra – Barbara Carrellas
The Ethical Slut – Dossie Easton & Janet Hardy
More Than Two – Eve Rickert & Andrea Zanin (2. Edition)
The Gifts of Imperfection – Brené Brown
The Art of Receiving and Giving: The Wheel of Consent – Betty Martin
How to Do the Work: Recognise Your Patterns, Heal From Your Past and Create Your Self – Dr. Nicole LePera (also other books by the author)
Books on Impact Play & Special BDSM Practices
The Pegging Book: A Complete Guide to Anal Sex With a Strap-on Dildo – Cooper S. Beckett, Lyndzi Miller
Spanking for Lovers – Janet W. Hardy
The Age Play and Diaper Fetish Handbook – Penny Barber
Better Bondage for Every Body: With Rope Bondage Experts From Around the World – Evie Vane
Sex Work & Erotic Labor
Playing the Whore – Melissa Gira Grant
Queer Sex Work – Edited by Mary Laing, Katy Pilcher, Nicola Smith
Thriving in Sex Work – Lola Davina
PRO-DOMME – Aleta Cai
We Too: Essays on Sex Work and Survival – Natalie West & Tina Horn
Men & Masculinity
Mask Off – JJ Bola
The Will to Change – bell hooks
Tools for Men-with-Feminist-Ambitions – Martin Barner
Books on Erotic Hypnosis & Mind Play
Enough to Make You Blush – Princess Kali (and other books by the author)
Mind Play: A Guide to Erotic Hypnosis – Mark Wiseman
The Brainwashing Book – Sleepinggirl & Wiseguy
Mastering Erotic Hypnosis – James Gordon C.Ht. und Rebecca Doll
Kinky NLP: Neuro-Linguistic Programming for Erotic Hypnosis – sleepingirl
Kinky Fiction & Memoirs
Permission – Saskia Vogel
Bad Behaviour – Mary Gaitskill
Want – Gillian Anderson
Kink – R.O. Kwon & Garth Greenwell
Superfreaks – Arielle Greenberg
Kinky Books that are Only Available in German (yet)
Fickt Euch! Sexkolumnen – Missy Magazin
Hinterhof – Graphic Novel by Anna Rakhmanko & Mikkel Sommer
Power Bottom – Evan Tepest
Die Wahl der Qual – Kathrin Passig & Ira Strübel
Femdom-Fibel oder: Wenn die Frau das Sagen hat – G. Horsam und Lady K. FemDom
Nur JA! heißt ja. Eine Anleitung zum sexuellen Konsens – Shaina Joy Machlus
Der Dominus-Effekt – Thymos Emm
Give a Fck: Über Sexarbeit und warum sie uns alle etwas angeht – Catrin Altzschner
Yoni-Massage: Lust, Heilung und Intimität – Yella Cremer (and other books by the author)
Sinnliche Intimität: Berühren und Berührt werden – Susanna-Sitari Rescio
It will never be enough …
How wonderful that there is always something new to discover. This is not a complete list, nor is it really a “best of” selection. It’s a selection that lets you immerse yourself well and that will be updated from time to time. You don’t need to read them all. A few of these books are ones I haven’t read myself yet, but I’ve included them based on thoughtful recommendations, reviews, and the expertise of trusted sources in the kink and sex-positive community. It’s an offer to broaden your skills and your horizons. With each book, you get to know your shadows and your lights a little better. You become more confident, more competent, more knowledgeable. Sexy, right?!
One can tell, I’m a book enthusiast. Reading and literature contribute a lot to my happiness. Some books on this list resonated deeply with me, while others didn’t—but that doesn’t mean they won’t speak to you. It’s crucial to stay open-minded, absorb what is useful, and critically assess everything you read (really important!). Learning is deeply satisfying. Instant gratification and even more in the long term. Have fun exploring!
More in the mood for sofa and popcorn? Check out my femdom movie watchlist.
Empathy
Empathy is my compass. Join me in a space where empathy guides us to connect on a profound, soulful level.
Integrity
At the heart of the journey lies a commitment to integrity. Honesty, transparency, and ethical conduct. In this space, you’ll find a sanctuary built on trust.
Inclusivity
Diversity is strength, and inclusivity is a necessity. A safer space that welcomes all colors, shapes, and stories. It’s not just about fitting in; it’s about celebrating the beauty of standing out together.