The Kinky Library

Nothing quite satisfies me like a good book. Kink, BDSM, and sex-positive literature are vast and diverse. Just as our kinks differ, so do the perspectives and approaches within books about them. Some texts disturb and irritate me, others inspire or stimulate. Learning is an ongoing, evolving and enriching journey and it is only natural that there cannot be this one all-encompassing work that answers all our questions, illuminates all practices and educates us conclusively.

Reading About Kink Enhances Your Play

Consequently, my booklist is not just about kink; it also covers topics like communication, tantra, psychology, feminism and personal development. Why? Because everything is interconnected. Tantra, for instance, has taught me much about impact play (and vice versa), while advanced communication skills enhance my understanding of mind games.

As you go through the list, keep a critical mind. Not everything in these books will align with your personal values or experiences, and that’s good! Take what resonates with you and trust yourself enough to challenge ideas. Reading is a self-care act. Kinky reading is also rebellion. You demand knowledge that doesn’t just fall to us. Be proud of yourself for taking this important path. Trust me as well when I’m saying: Reading and learning about kink can be just as fun as living it and, above all, drastically increase the quality and satisfaction of real play. 

And don’t forget, my dear: Support your local bookstore whenever possible!

General Kink & BDSM Guides

Playing Well With Others – Mollena Williams & Lee Harrington

The New Bottoming Book & The New Topping Book – Dossie Easton & Janet Hardy

The Loving Dominant – John Warren

The Dominance Playbook – Anton Fulmen (also The Heart of Dominance)

SM 101 – Jay Wiseman

The Toybag Guide to… (Insightful Series covering various kink topics)

Leatherfolk – Mark Thompson

Come Hither: A Commonsense Guide To Kinky Sex – Dr. Gloria G. Brame

Psychology & Theoretical Perspectives on Kink

The Deep Psychology of BDSM and Kink – Douglas Thomas

The Leather Couch: Clinical Practice with Kinky Clients – Stefani Goerlich

Femdom & Female-Led Relationships

Bow Down: Lessons from Dominatrixes on How to Be a Boss in Life, Love, and Work – Lindsay Goldwert

A Psychodynamic Approach to Female Domination in BDSM Relationships – Nathalie Lugand

Dominatrix: Gender, Eroticism, and Control in the Dungeon – Danielle J. Lindemann

The Sexually Dominant Woman: An Illustrated Workbook for Nervous Beginners – Janet W. Hardy

Femdom for Nice Girls: A Self-Guided Manual for the Caring Mistress – Lucy Fairbourne

The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl’s Guide to Female Dominance – Mistress Lorelei

The Dominatrix Archetypes® – Mistress Damiana Chi

The Heart of the Dominatrix: Portraits and Interviews of Exceptional Mistresses – Inanna Justice

The Art of Sensual Female Dominance – Claudia Varrin

FLR – Female Led Relationship – Lady Sas, Lady Victoria

How Can I Make This Worse for You? – Ms. Rika (also other books by the author)

F*ck Like a Goddess – Alexandra Roxo

Growth, Healing & Sexual Intelligence

Come as You Are – Emily Nagoski

Sex Tips for Creative Lovers – Jüne Plã

Coming Soon: Great Orgasms and Better Sex at Your Fingertips – Dania Schiftan

Polysecure – Jessica Fern (with follow-up and workbook)

Sexual Intelligence – Marty Klein

Sex Meets Life – Anna Sansom (Ed.)

Tongue Tied: Untangling Communication in Sex, Kink, and Relationships – Stella Harris

Sexting: The Grownup’s Little Book of Sex Tips for Getting Dirty Digitally – Tina Horn (and other books by the author)

Urban Tantra – Barbara Carrellas

The Ethical Slut – Dossie Easton & Janet Hardy

More Than Two – Eve Rickert & Andrea Zanin (2. Edition)

The Gifts of Imperfection – Brené Brown

The Art of Receiving and Giving: The Wheel of Consent – Betty Martin

How to Do the Work: Recognise Your Patterns, Heal From Your Past and Create Your Self – Dr. Nicole LePera (also other books by the author)

Impact Play & Special BDSM Practices

The Pegging Book: A Complete Guide to Anal Sex With a Strap-on Dildo – Cooper S. Beckett, Lyndzi Miller

Spanking for Lovers – Janet W. Hardy

The Age Play and Diaper Fetish Handbook – Penny Barber

Better Bondage for Every Body: With Rope Bondage Experts From Around the World – Evie Vane

Sex Work & Erotic Labor

Playing the Whore – Melissa Gira Grant

Queer Sex Work – Edited by Mary Laing, Katy Pilcher, Nicola Smith

Thriving in Sex Work – Lola Davina

PRO-DOMME – Aleta Cai

We Too: Essays on Sex Work and Survival – Natalie West & Tina Horn

Men & Masculinity

Mask Off – JJ Bola

The Will to Change – bell hooks

Tools for Men-with-Feminist-Ambitions – Martin Barner

Erotic Hypnosis & Mind Play

Enough to Make You Blush – Princess Kali (and other books by the author)

Mind Play: A Guide to Erotic Hypnosis – Mark Wiseman

The Brainwashing Book – Sleepinggirl & Wiseguy

Mastering Erotic Hypnosis – James Gordon C.Ht. und Rebecca Doll

Kinky NLP: Neuro-Linguistic Programming for Erotic Hypnosis – sleepingirl

Fiction & Memoirs

Permission – Saskia Vogel

Bad Behaviour – Mary Gaitskill

Want – Gillian Anderson

Kink – R.O. Kwon & Garth Greenwell

Superfreaks – Arielle Greenberg

Power Bottom – Evan Tepest

Only Available in German (yet)

Fickt Euch! Sexkolumnen – Missy Magazin

Hinterhof – Graphic Novel by Anna Rakhmanko & Mikkel Sommer

Die Wahl der Qual – Kathrin Passig & Ira Strübel

Femdom-Fibel oder: Wenn die Frau das Sagen hat – G. Horsam und Lady K. FemDom

Der Dominus-Effekt – Thymos Emm

Give a Fck: Über Sexarbeit und warum sie uns alle etwas angeht* – Catrin Altzschner

Yoni-Massage: Lust, Heilung und Intimität – Yella Cremer (and other books by the author)

Sinnliche Intimität: Berühren und Berührt werden – Susanna-Sitari Rescio

It will never be enough … 

How wonderful that there is always something new to discover. This is not a complete list, nor is it really a “best of” selection. It’s a selection that lets you immerse yourself well and that will be updated from time to time. You don’t need to read them all. A few of these books are ones I haven’t read myself yet, but I’ve included them based on thoughtful recommendations, reviews, and the expertise of trusted sources in the kink and sex-positive community. It’s an offer to broaden your skills and your horizons. With each book, you get to know your shadows and your lights a little better. You become more confident, more competent, more knowledgeable. Sexy, right?!

One can tell, I’m a book enthusiast. Reading and literature contribute a lot to my happiness. Some books on this list resonated deeply with me, while others didn’t—but that doesn’t mean they won’t speak to you. It’s crucial to stay open-minded, absorb what is useful, and critically assess everything you read (really important!). Learning is deeply satisfying. Instant gratification and even more in the long term. Have fun exploring!