The Femdom Watchlist

Yesterday at the cinema, I spent two hours lost in Ana de Armas’s striking green eyes in Ballerina. Entertaining, yes, but I like my movies with a little more soul. Sure, it’s undeniably sexy to watch a powerful woman take control, fight her way through a room, and assert her will. But isn’t there more? Where’s the depth? The realness? The complexity that makes characters compelling?

What Femdom Films Can Teach Us About Desire and Power

I long for something that gives space for ambiguity and emotional intelligence. Less cliché. Femdom, after all, is about so much more than whips. Not that I need to tell you. And cinematic power is about more than the classic dominatrix trope. Let’s explore the many faces of female dominance: femme fatales, warrior queens, cunning masterminds and agents of chaos as well as the quietly commanding.

Films with female villains are still surprisingly rare, especially outside of horror, erotic thrillers, or comic book adaptations. And when they do appear, they’re often overly sexualized and one-dimensional: dangerous because they’re seductive, unpredictable because they’re emotional. 

“I ain’t playing second to nobody!” — Queen Latifah as Bessie Smith in Bessie

Aside from the classic Basic Instinct with Sharon Stone (skip the sequel!), there aren’t many examples that offer complex portrayals of female antagonists. Some newer series are slowly catching up, but dark female characters who are flawed, intelligent, and hard to pin down are still few and far between. Our society is still uncomfortable with women who are powerful, unpredictable, and morally ambiguous. That’s a shame. The dark, complex woman deserves more space on screen. These women don’t need to be monsters. They deserve to be mirrors.

By the way, it took me a moment to remember where I’d gotten lost in those eyes before. It was in Deep Water, where de Armas stars alongside Ben Affleck in a slow-burning, erotic thriller. But we’ll get to that one later.

Femdom Representation in Film Matters

Because kink is often stigmatized, we don’t grow up seeing ourselves reflected in everyday culture. Stories however carry power and that’s why film matters. It gives shape to dynamics we feel, but rarely name. And sometimes, that onscreen recognition is the first step toward understanding, or owning our desires. Cinema was often our early mirror. No wonder it still hits deep. 

When I first began exploring my desire for dominance, I was searching for something I couldn’t quite name. I looked for it in books, and on screen.

Throughout this article, I’ll be mentioning a number of films, many of which you’ll also find listed at the end. I’m no film critic, I love movie nights. Give me snacks, a cozy blanket, and the luxury of sleeping in the next day, and I’m content.

Let’s also acknowledge the obvious right at the beginning: The world of cinema still fails to represent the full spectrum of human experience. Stories told through an intersectional lens, centering BIPOC, queer, trans, disabled, or neurodivergent characters in positions of power, sensuality, or dominance are rare. That absence matters. And while I celebrate the films listed here for what they offer, we need a wider range of authenticity: truth, texture, and lived perspective on screen.

“I am who I am. And I am not sorry.” — Viola Davis as Annalise Keating in How to Get Away with Murder

Of course, there are films that portray dominatrix characters quite directly. Latex, whips, power traded for money or devotion. Not to forget the lifestyle Dommes: women who lead, who set the tone in relationships, who command attention. I’m entertained by films that embody dominance instead of declaring it. Where no one’s being stepped on, and yet the power dynamic is unmistakable. Tension, presence and the slow transfer of control. These are stories that continue to pull me in.

Archetypes are useful when we need catharsis. Something bold, raw, familiar to meet the core of our desire. Deeper resonance however, comes when emotions are messy, and full of contradiction. These are the stories where characters find themselves in dynamics we, in kink, often choose to consciously recreate.

Oh and by the way, darling, do refrain from using this list to reduce a person to your desires. Would I expect a real-life submissive to perform his service like Henry in Life Like? Of course n— oh, wait! Trick question. Still: don’t. People are people. Film characters aren’t real. Kink is play, not a casting call. 

The Mindgames We Learn

I sometimes wonder if my fascination with control, mindgames and emotional seduction, didn’t begin in the dim glow of cult and conspiracy films I devoured as a teen. Those storylines: rituals, secrecy, submission to a cause, left an imprint. There was something beautifully dark: the thrill of surrendering not just your body, but your mind. 

“Doubt is your greatest enemy. It’s what keeps you from being reborn.” — Brit Marling as Maggie in Sound of My Voice

To be honest, most of the titles have faded from memory, Disturbing Behavior is one I still recall. Definitely not Hollywood blockbusters. More like obscure 90s productions, poorly made and half-forgotten, which I caught late at night on TV or borrowed on worn-out VHS tapes. I was probably far too young for them, but also completely captivated.

Male Surrender and Emotional Complexity in Cinema

There’s a huge difference between a film that simply throws in a handful of fetish elements or visual triggers, and one that offers real depth through character and story. It’s the difference between a frozen pizza and a vegan tasting menu. 

One thing absolutely needs to be said: Femdom movies aren’t really about women alone. What’s a big turn-on is when male characters let go. When they surrender control, out of trust, of longing, of deep emotional risk or even out of pure dependency or desperation. There’s something incredibly intimate about watching a man fall apart a little.

Ben Affleck’s roles often surprise me. Not particularly my type and yet in Deep Water, and especially Gone Girl (Rosamund Pike is stunning!), he finds himself repeatedly outplayed by complex, demanding women. There’s a subtle cuckold dynamic in Deep Water that really fascinates me. What happens when a man agrees to surrender, or when he doesn’t even realize he already has? 

I also think of Gabriel Mann. The shy, cerebral type. So damn sexy in What/If. I wouldn’t have resisted him, like Renée Zellweger’s character tried to. There’s a delicious tension in watching these softer, more emotionally available men being met with powerful, knowing women. I love quiet celebrations of male vulnerability.

My Girlhood Was Full of Superwomen

I grew up on characters like Xena, Nikita, Sydney Bristow (Alias), Jessica Alba in Dark Angel. Sci-fi worlds, secret agents, rebels. I was drawn to women who didn’t just fight. They out-thought. They seduced, negotiated, led and survived.

Later came Salt, Red Sparrow, Atomic Blonde, Ava. Addictive, yes … and formative. These characters were sexy of course. But they were also strategic. They held pain, memory, contradictions. And perhaps that’s where my love for femdom power dynamics was born: in watching how women navigated threat, control, submission as tools.

“I don’t respond to threats. I make them.” — Gina Torres as Jessica Pearson in Suits

Fiction gives us room to experience extremes, but let’s not forget: in real life, power play without consent isn’t edgy, it’s unsafe. I had to grow up first to learn that every woman is a superwoman.

Strong Female Leads in Power Dynamics

We all know the “kinky classics”: Secretary, The Duke of Burgundy, Fifty Shades of Grey. Not exactly my personal favorites, but I respect what they opened up. The series Bonding was entertaining, lighthearted and funny at times, and by the second season, it started to find a more grounded approach to realistic BDSM. I’d say the real insights in that series show up more in the quieter scenes and the supporting dynamics.

A more intense take: Une Histoire d’Amour, directed by Hélène Fillières and starring Laetitia Casta and Benoît Poelvoorde. What begins as a game quickly spirals into psychological manipulation and uncompromising attitude. It’s a raw and often uncomfortable look at control, transgression, and emotional sabotage, created through sharp reflections on class and privilege. I saw some of my own experiences reflected here.

“I’m not a lady. I’m a warrior.” — Lucy Lawless as Xena in Xena: Warrior Princess

That same raw honesty (and the mistakes I keep making) hit me in Sanctuary. Margaret Qualley is phenomenal as an elite dominatrix who masterfully dismantles her client Hal (Christopher Abbott). The film goes beyond surface-level kink. It goes deep into consent, emotional vulnerability, and the foggy space where role-play and reality begin to blur. I highly recommend reading this interview with the wonderful Eva Oh in Cosmopolitan. 

Power Dynamics in Film: When Control Isn’t Loud

Kink isn’t always named on screen, or it’s missing altogether in ways that matter. Let me share a few roles, films, and moments that impressed me for what they hinted at, or made space for. Often the most commanding women on screen hold power through intellect, silence, or sheer presence alone.

“I believe in justice. I believe in truth. But above all else, I believe in love.” — India Ria Amarteifio as Queen Charlotte in Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story

Brownian Movement, with Sandra Hüller, stayed with me in an unexpected way. I couldn’t quite explain why. Perhaps because it held up a mirror to a part of myself I hadn’t yet dared to fully acknowledge. It’s not overtly about dominance or submission, but something in its quiet strangeness, in the way boundaries blur and control shifts, didn’t let me off the hook.

The French luminary Juliette Binoche has a remarkable ability to portray women who are both emotionally complex and quietly self-possessed. To name just a few: In Let the Sunshine In, she explores longing, autonomy, and romantic vulnerability without ever surrendering her inner authority. In Who You Think I Am, she moves between roles and identities, playfully, intelligently, and always in control of the narrative. And in Non-Fiction, she navigates love and art with subtle confidence. Binoche’s characters invite us into layers of self-invention.

How Film Helps Us Understand Femdom and Ourselves

Existentialism and the idea that I can shape myself, has always captivated me. There’s something awfully erotic about consciously crafting who you are, especially when it comes to desire and identity. Maybe that’s why Closer is one of my favorites. With Natalie Portman and Julia Roberts, it’s a complex choreography of love and longing. Both women are independent, brutally honest, and, at times, unapologetically cruel.

The Story of My Wife, with Léa Seydoux as the elusive Lizzy, offers an intense slow burn. At its core lies a charmingly unsettling cuckold dynamic (love that!), less about overt betrayal, more about the creeping agony of uncertainty. It’s the story of a man trying to possess a woman through marriage, only to be undone by jealousy, doubt, and the quiet realization that control is always an illusion.

Then there are the directors and performances that held my attention: The Handmaiden and Lady Vengeance by Park Chan-wook, or Double Lover by François Ozon (with Marine Vacth and Jérémie Renier), explore power, desire, and emotional control in a way that is simply wonderfully profound, witty and unconventional. In Double Lover, Marine Vacth plays a quietly commanding figure, elegant, mysterious, and profoundly human, who holds power through her own subtle mix of pressure and restraint.

“You want power? Earn it.” — Caitríona Balfe as Claire Fraser in Outlander

I’m also thinking of Scarlett Johansson: her presence can shift in fascinating ways. In Under the Skin, she’s a silent predator, hypnotic and terrifying in her stillness. In Her, she’s the opposite: nurturing, omnipresent, offering warmth and spaciousness. With Femdom, sometimes, it’s the gentleness that holds you in its grip. Have you seen Lucy? Just wow. Not very gentle though. And even in roles like Good Woman, where she plays the devoted wife, there’s still a quiet force at play. 

It’s often the women who set the tone and who steer the emotional current.

Do you like crime series? The new Matlock (2024) introduces Kathy Bates as Madeline Matlock, a woman whose authority lies in her calm intelligence and quietly resolute presence. With subtle confidence and sharp wit, she commands the space around her. Once again female strength on screen doesn’t need to be loud or sexualized to be irresistible.

We can’t leave out Daenerys Targaryen. Khaleesi, the Mother of Dragons. Her arc in Game of Thrones is unforgettable: from a timid, controlled girl to a commanding, complex leader who owns her power unapologetically. It’s not a simple heroine’s journey. It’s messy, painful, and laced with moral tension. But that’s exactly what makes it so mesmeric: she grows into dominance, step by step, breath by breath.

There are still so many missing. The Lesson, directed by Alice Troughton and led by Julie Delpy, recently touched something in me. Just like Life Like, a beautiful, gentle portrayal of a service dynamic. And have you seen Queen Latifah in Bessie? If not, do yourself a favor and catch up!

The Kinky Gaze That Shapes the Story

So much of this comes down to who’s watching and who’s telling the story. The male gaze often makes dominant women into fetishes or monsters. The female gaze allows for something richer, messier, more real. We are not just seen, we see back. 

But don’t be fooled. Just because a woman directs doesn’t mean we automatically get the female gaze. Twilight and plenty of other films have shown us how easily female creators can end up echoing the patriarchal fantasy. The male gaze is a system, not just a gender. And sometimes, we internalize it before we even realize it’s happening.

The way we experience these films also depends on who we are, our desires, our identities, and the stories we’ve been allowed to see ourselves in.

“I don’t bow to men I don’t trust.” — Adelaide Kane as Mary Stuart in Reign

Nonetheless I’m always craving more of those: women shaping the narrative.

This Is Where It Gets Interesting: What Good Femdom Cinema Gets Right

You can watch porn. That’s a starting point. A polished heel pressed into a face will always have a certain effect. But please don’t stop there. If you only stay with surface tropes, you’ll miss the wild, enslaving terrain beneath. 

Kink, at its best, is grounded in character, in subtlety, in contradiction. Where you can be turned on and undone. Where you can discover yourself, not just get off.

The Femdom Watchlist. Movie Titles and Leading Women

No ranking, no rating. It’s a conversation starter. These films and series all play with dynamics that mirror what we paint in kink: control, surrender, seduction, resistance. Some made me cringe. Others made me feel seen. But all of them made me think, or at the very least, entertained me. And that’s exactly what good storytelling and good kink have in common.

All film titles are linked to IMDb, where you can watch trailers and read more about the storylines and casts.

Deep Water, Ballerina – Ana de Armas

Bessie – Queen Latifah (Director: Dee Rees)

Gone Girl – Rosamund Pike, Ben Affleck

What/If – Renée Zellweger, Gabriel Mann 

Suits (TV series) – Gina Torres as Jessica Pearson 

Revenge (TV series) – Emily VanCamp, Madeleine Stowe

Nikita (TV series) – Maggie Q

Alias (TV series) – Jennifer Garner 

Dark Angel (TV series) – Jessica Alba 

Marriage Story – Scarlett Johansson, Laura Dern

May December – Julianne Moore, Natalie Portman

Salt – Angelina Jolie 

Red Sparrow – Jennifer Lawrence 

Atomic Blonde – Charlize Theron

Ava – Jessica Chastain

Secretary – Maggie Gyllenhaal, James Spader

Sound of My Voice – Brit Marling 

The Duke of Burgundy – Sidse Babett Knudsen, Chiara D’Anna 

Fifty Shades of Grey – Dakota Johnson 

A Simple Favour – Anna Kendrick, Blake Lively

Woman of the Hour – Anna Kendrick (director: also Anna Kendrick) 

Angélique – Nora Arnezeder, Gérard Lanvin

Bonding (TV series) – Zoe Levin, Nana Mensah

Basic Instinct – Sharon Stone 

Une Histoire d’Amour / Tied – Laetitia Casta (Director: Hélène Fillières)

Sanctuary – Margaret Qualley 

Brownian Movement – Sandra Hüller 

Who You Think I Am, Let the Sunshine In, Non-Fiction – Juliette Binoche 

Closer – Natalie Portman, Julia Roberts 

The Story of My Wife – Léa Seydoux (Director: Ildikó Enyedi)

The Handmaiden – Kim Min-hee, Kim Tae-ri 

Matlock (TV series) – Kathy Bates (Creator: Jennie Snyder Urman)

Lady Vengeance – Lee Young-ae 

Double Lover – Marine Vacth

Reign (TV series) – Adelaide Kane, Megan Follows (Creator: Laurie McCarthy, Stephanie SenGupta)

Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story – India Ria Amarteifio, Golda Rosheuvel (Creator: Shonda Rhimes)

How to Get Away with Murder (TV series) – Viola Davis

Sister My Sister – Joely Richardson, Jodhi May

I Am Love – Tilda Swinton

Portrait of a Lady on Fire – Noémie Merlant, Adèle Haenel (Director: Céline Sciamma)

The Favourite – Olivia Colman, Rachel Weisz, Emma Stone

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (Millennium Trilogy) – Noomi Rapace 

Under the Skin, Her, Lucy – Scarlett Johansson 

Good Woman – Helen Hunt, Scarlett Johansson

Game of Thrones (TV series) – Emilia Clarke as Daenerys Targaryen

The Lesson – Julie Delpy (Director: Alice Troughton)

Life Like – Addison Tymlyn, Steven Strait

Xena: Warrior Princess (TV series) – Lucy Lawless

Outlander (TV series) – Caitríona Balfe

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If you’re more in the mood for a good book right now: I’ve put together a selection of kink-positive reads. You’ll find the full article over on my journal.

And just for fun, here’s a little bonus clip a friend recently sent me:
👉 Matriarchy in Star Trek

Enjoy the journey. Wherever it takes you.