Why Pegging?

Oh, hello there, my eager friend! What brings you here? Curiosity, you say? Well, isn’t that intriguing. Since you’re here anyway, how about you just turn around for a moment, yes, like that, thank you, and now bend forward, yes, further, perfect, and now your pants… Oh, just kidding, keep them on. We’ll behave ourselves here. Just reading, no mischief. But hey, thanks for being so obedient right from the start… or, maybe? No, I’m just teasing you … so, listen up.

Overcoming Shame: How Pegging Challenges Preconceptions

You’re here to learn about pegging. And I bet you already have some exciting images swirling around in your mind. A whole collection of plots that could easily be turned into an incredibly erotic film series, and of course, you’d like to play a leading role in them, wouldn’t you? Okay, I can’t promise that you’ll get to enjoy a strapon more often after reading this article, but I can promise that you’ll definitely want to. Alright… let’s get started… 

At the beginning, there were Adam and Eve, right? Well, by acknowledging the influence of religious backgrounds on notions of sexual shame, we can better understand the complexities surrounding taboo topics like pegging and work towards fostering a more open and inclusive dialogue. Things often get interesting with shame. Shame is a good indicator that something is worth exploring, that it’s worth turning on the light and taking a closer look. Because you know: the brighter the light, the darker the shadows. 

Shame is a complex emotional experience typically associated with feelings of embarrassment, discomfort, or inadequacy. It arises when one feels they have violated social norms or their own moral standards. First off, shame isn’t inherently a bad emotion (are there any bad emotions to begin with?). It often protects us from displaying behaviors deemed inappropriate or unacceptable. If you’re interested in the topic of sexual shame (and the religious backgrounds related to it), I recommend the book “Beyond Shame” by Matthias Roberts. 

Trying Something New Brings Joy 

Now, while shame, on one hand, often keeps many people from sexually exploring and fully enjoying themselves, it’s also one of the reasons why pegging has become increasingly popular in the area of kink. Because us kinky folk, we love shame. We embrace it and play with it. We make it a tool of our pleasure.

And we do it quite clumsily. By that, I mean we encounter shame rather shamefully. It’s highly amusing and entertaining to see how much restraint and discomfort there is in dealing with those things that somehow question the status quo. But that’s part of it and it’s totally okay. I’m no different from a newbie in that regard. Every new territory must be approached with caution. Take your time, but be brave.

While shame, alongside the fear of vulnerability and stigma, often keeps us from beautiful things, there’s also an increasing engagement with these very areas. Few things do I wish more than for people to explore what they enjoy with more joy and openness. And while over the centuries, we’ve made it increasingly easier to talk about sex and sexuality, there are still new taboo topics that catch our attention, and pegging most certainly falls into this category. Not just pegging, anal sex in general, and here we already come to the first important question: why the need for a new term?

What Pegging Means

If one, as an outsider, ventures into the depths of the kink community, they’ll often be overwhelmed by all the new terms they find there. And even those who have been around for a long time – there’s always something new to learn. If someone tells me they haven’t stumbled upon any odd term that has caused a big question mark in their head, then they’re just not being entirely honest, in my opinion. “Pegging”… that’s another label. You know what? I actually like labels.

Our language – and here, I’d prefer not to quote Heidegger, but rather Kübra Gümüşay – shapes our thinking and our actions. Our desires, our longings, and our loves, and actually everything that makes up our lives are framed by our words. Once we have terms, we feel secure. But: 

“We must understand that no person and nothing in this world has been finally understood just because we have a name for it,” says Gümüşay.

I haven’t fully understood pegging. There’s a lot I don’t understand about kink or sex. But I have some ideas and a lot of inspiration, and where they come from and where they lead, I’d like to share with you in this article.

Can Pegging Save You? 

When it comes to pegging, diversity is the magic word. Each person brings their own preferences and desires, and that’s what makes this practice so fascinating. Whether you have a vivid imagination you want to explore or you’re curious about the sensation of anal orgasms – pegging offers room for discoveries and experiments. Behind these experiments lies, not least, a strong need for more sexual autonomy, for connection, and for genuine pleasure. We, both Givers and Takers, learn to enjoy deeply and let go better. Aspects that patriarchy and capitalism do not want to grant us. 

Recently, I listened to the audiobook “The Pegging Book” by Lyndzi Miller and Cooper S. Beckett and had the time of my life!!! Funny, smart, entertaining, and for some reason, this book is now on my personal list of best books on personal development. This book not only makes you much smarter, but also happier. 

A Life-Changing Book

The authors of “The Pegging Book”, alternating in their narration, address all the big and small questions, all the prejudices and uncertainties. They provide valuable tips on anatomy, positions, safety and the right toys. They refer a lot to pop culture. But what really got me about them is the loving warmth and patience with which even the last reservations are tossed overboard. I have rarely read such a well-written book on sexual education. A true gem. We need more education and destigmatization like this.

How Political Is Anal Sex?

One question the authors of ‘The Pegging Book’ address is: ‘I’m straight. Doesn’t pegging make me gay?’ They answer with angelic patience. I have no idea how they do it, but they do, and I salute them for it.

So, the thought may arise that by using the term ‘pegging’, we devalue queer sex, which has confidently used a strapon and the back door for much longer. It’s all the more important to delicately soften prejudices here, because – if you actually harbor such ‘fears’ – you might not find it helpful if I just bluntly state that the question alone is homophobic and perpetuates sad patriarchal heteronormative structures. Here’s a bit more on the topic. 

People move and behave based on different privileges. Cis-het people bring different socialization and thus different conditions, fears, and prejudices. We will surely no longer need such discriminatory linguistic distinctions at some point. But until then, consider this: There are so many products in the supermarket that suddenly come with a new packaging, a new branding, and a new label and thus change the market … sometimes it might take that to initiate changes.

You Have The P-Spot, What’s In It For Me?

Sometimes it seems like there are two big camps: those who are really into it because they already know the pleasure (maybe not from the first try, but then from the second or third) and the others who shrug and recall their uncomfortable medical examination of the urogenital system. Oh well. But what about the Givers?

The rumor that Givers don’t benefit from pegging is just that: a rumor. There are many reasons why pegging is great for the Giver, and if you’re interested, listen in to the Pegging Paradise Podcast by Ruby Ryder. This amazing educator also has not one but two blogs that strengthen the joy of anal pleasure. One without kink and one with. Also, many anal enthusiasts gather on Fetlife in various groups and forums. Want to understand what others find appealing about it? Then immerse yourself in their experiences. Open up to the insights of others. I know, the shame is still there. But I won’t tell anyone, okay?!

Our Fascination of Pegging: Why It’s Gaining Popularity

There’s much to admire about pegging. Let me explain why pegging has become so popular and why we often find it especially in the kinky corner. Anal sex isn’t inherently kinky, is it? Well, maybe a little more taboo. After all, we’re introducing something where, conventionally, things tend to exit.

Anal sex requires preparation, finesse, practice, much lube – yes, much much more – and training. It takes patience and communication, trust, and a willingness to be vulnerable. And because we’re often willing but lazy, anal sex quickly gained the status of a complex, tabooed sexual practice.

Not least, the fact that it is typically a male-socialized individual who is expected to embrace this vulnerability adds to the kinkiness of this practice. Societal expectations often dictate that men must embody strength, control, and dominance, which can make it particularly difficult for them to explore and engage in activities that require vulnerability and submission. Overcoming these ingrained gender norms and embracing vulnerability is a significant hurdle for many.

It Takes a Lot of Courage on Both Sides to Try Something New

Let’s talk about shame and the courage it takes to break through it once again. Brené Brown teaches us in ‘The Gift of Imperfection’ that the best way to confront shame is by talking about it. It takes a lot to articulate your concerns, communicate insecurities, and make yourself vulnerable. Oh, you wouldn’t believe how strong and beautiful vulnerability makes you!

Sadly, many even associate the thought of pain with it, which is truly problematic. Because if it hurts, then something isn’t quite right. It’s that simple. Anal sex requires preparation and relaxation. Stuffing in a thick dildo right from the start – sure, it sounds exciting and really hot – and let’s celebrate this kinky fantasy, but in reality, our bodies need time to catch up. We could simplify it and say that capitalist performance thinking (always bigger, stronger, better) has no place when it comes to sex and intimacy. But how naive would that be? We don’t just shed the structures we’re socialized in. It takes more awareness and a willingness to learn here.

Pegging: Not Just for Kink Enthusiasts

In this sense, the growing popularity of pegging is also related to cis-het people becoming more open and courageous. There are female socialized individuals who show greater sexual self-confidence, increasingly leaving behind the passive role and gladly taking on the active role – whether kinky or not. And there are many heterosexual cis men who are becoming sexually more self-determined as well. Pegging is definitely a way to strengthen sexual autonomy and explore one’s own boundaries.

At the latest, when I saw a real prolapse for the first time from someone who loved anal sex above all and would never have been willing to give it up, at that moment I knew: the future is in the ass. Not because a prolapse is cool (it’s not, don’t try it, be kind to your bodies and then things like that won’t happen), but because I saw what it meant to this person. The stimulation, the mental kick, everything that goes with it. And what goes with it is trust, communication, and intimacy between partners. In this sense, pegging really isn’t inherently kinky. Pegging is intense and wonderful. For some, because prostate stimulation feels incredibly great, for others, because, for instance, it’s just fun to have so much control over another person’s pleasure.

What I Would Like To Get From You, My Dear

Some want to be used, and others want to use. I love control. And I love vulnerability. If you give me both, then I’m completely in my element, and that’s what Conscious Kink is about for me: I want to feel alive, I want to be present and experience intensity, reactions, and true devotion. Pegging – when done right – has the potential for that. 

When Luna Matatas first proclaimed ‘Peg the Patriarchy’, it sparked an immediate and resonant response. Pegging brings back something we’ve deeply craved: the pure delight of living life in full swing. It’s more than just a physical act – it’s a journey toward empowerment and freedom. 

Let me share two additional tips with you: For beginners, I recommend starting with external stimulation using a vibrator on the outer areas, such as the perineum and the anal opening. These areas are rich in nerve endings too and can provide exquisite pleasure. Personally, I use a vibro-egg that was gifted to me by a dear person at Christmas. For those more experienced, I suggest experimenting with different positions. It’s easy to fall into the comfort of familiar routines, but trying something new can reignite our imagination and stimulate new fantasies. You can find inspiration and guidance in resources like ‘The Pegging Book’.

Always ensure that any anal insertables are designed specifically for that purpose – never compromise on safety.

And now a little gift for you. Here’s your PPP checklist:

Pegging Pleasure Points:

• Communication & Consent: Be brave. Speak up!
• Safety and Hygiene: Strap in safely, clean up keenly!
• Relaxation: Ease into this.
• Patience, Patience, Patience: Slow and steady wins the race.
• Lube: Slide and glide.
• Technique: Master the art. Practice, practice, practice!
• Breaks: Pause and play, and pause and play, and …
• Aftercare: Aftercare matters most!
• Feedback: Constructive feedback for even hotter future adventures.

Intrigued? Enjoy!